I’ve made my share of fashion blunders.
Wearing ties with short-sleeve shirts. Owning a closetful of pleated khakis. Going with ill-advised trends (platform shoes, polyester shirts) without realizing how busy future-me would be destroying the photographic evidence relating to such clownish outfits.
That said, let me throw this hefty rock in my glass house of terrible style.
Cowboy boot sandals? Really?
These footwear mutants are the reverse-mullets of the shoe industry – party in the front, cattle drive in the back.
The fashion mashup starts as a sandal at the toes, morphing to a boot at the heel. Rare is the footwear where neither form nor function seems to have been considered anywhere in the design process.
The style will please your toes (fresh air) or your calves (bundled up), but not both at the same time.
Unless, of course, you’re spending afternoons on the beach and nights at the rodeo. Then the boot sandals offer the perfect transition for those too lazy to change. You also might want to wear a denim swimsuit or cowboy sun hat.
The odd look of this poolside/country-bar hybrid is not lost on the makers.
Even the name pokes fun at the design: Redneck Boot Sandals
I applaud the creativity as well as the $150 retail price, a cost that recognizes it’s more a novelty than viable alternative for summers on the ranch (though I can definitely see these things at Country Thunder, the four-day music fest that forgives any fashion choice as long as it includes cowboy boots and denim).
In the interest of full disclosure, I must admit my bias against the public baring of men’s feet. In addition to the aesthetic horrors, making no effort to wear actual shoes displays an inability to grasp the responsibilities of adulthood.
You’re an adult. Dress like one
Sandals are fine up to a certain age. I’d say 10 years old, but many would disagree.
Still, once you’re out of college, it’s time to toss the flip-flops. Anyone paying off a $50,000 loan is old enough to pull on socks and tie laces. It’s the grownup thing to do.
As far as those heading to redneckbootsandals.com right now to score a pair, by all means. Just know that if these things take off, if could be the gateway shoe to other awkward combinations. The steel-open-toed work pump, perhaps, or the wingtip wedge.
You may be thinking, “Nothing so embarrassing would ever be embraced by those who have the slightest concern about their appearance.”
Really? One word: Crocs.