By now, you may be aware the Boy Scouts soon will welcome girls into their ranks as Cub Scouts, while devising programs for older girls to keep them in the fold.
It’s the most surprising gender integration since Our Gang allowed Darla into the He-Man Woman-Haters Club (at least in the 1990s version, when Spanky, Stymie and the rest were a bit more evolved than the prehistoric 1930s original).
The Boy Scouts speak of this move in glowing and generous terms, noting how women also can find value in the hardly boy-centric attributes of being trustworthy, loyal, helpful and the like.
What’s not to like?
A lot, if you’re the Girl Scouts, who see this as a blatant power move to boost Boy Scout membership.
That might well be true, given how membership in both groups has dropped over the years. The pursuit of merit badges just isn’t what it once was, no matter that they are the few remaining reasons to study basketry, bugling or bird study (actual badges).
Having never been a scout and without the necessary background to judge, I will do so anyway: This is an inclusive move to bring scouting into the 21st century, save for one potential outcome:
It’s all a ploy for Boy Scout cookies.
Perhaps the boys are eyeing the lucrative baked-good turf. Girl Scouts ring up millions of dollars in cookie sales thanks to lucrative margins and a motivated sales force (“Mom, we’re hitting twice as many supermarkets this time because we’re going to destroy Briar’s troop. They think they’re so great.”).
Should Boy Scouts enter the fray, we could expect these offerings:
Snick-Char-Doodles: A blend of sugar, cinnamon and burnt bottoms because Billy’s dad was watching football and forgot to get them out of the oven in time.
Star Wars Macaroons: Enjoy your favorite character, as long as your favorite characters is Jabba the Hutt because they all turned out looking like blobs.
We Can’t Believe it’s Not Oreos: It is Oreos. Repackaged and sold at double the price.
Thin Mints: It’s not what you think. These are totally different — thinner, mintier and way better. Yuh huh, they are! Because we said so, that’s why! No, you shut up!