All the ways my kids and others' kids insult me... on a daily basis

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All the ways my kids and others' kids insult me... on a daily basis

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All the ways my kids and others' kids insult me... on a daily basis

I picked up my 5-year-old daughter from gymnastics the other week.

As I was waiting for her to put her shoes on, another little girl in her class looked up at me and said: “Are you her grandmother?

Kid insults plague all parents. At least we know it's not intentionally mean.

Credit: Giphy

After I recovered, I told her, “No, I am her mommy.” To which she then replied: “Why aren’t you usually here? There’s always someone else picking her up and dropping her off.”

Kid insults plague all parents. At least we know it's not intentionally mean.

Credit: Giphy

I don’t think this kid was trying to be mean. So I politely explained that I worked downtown, which means the babysitter does pick-up and drop-off.

Inwardly, I was cursing and shaking my head at the realization that I had been child-shamed twice in the span of 45 seconds. Once for looking old (apparently) and once for being an absentee parent.

But the exchange did make me realize: As parents, don’t we get insulted by our children on a weekly basis?

Not in a malicious way, but in that innocent, “Oh my God do you realize what you just asked me kid” way.

Here’s a round-up of a few of my favorite pint-sized insults to date.

On aging:

5-year-old Charlotte: “How old are you mommy?”

Me: “I’m 43.”

Charlotte: “Oh no! I don’t want you to DIEEEE!”

Kid insults plague all parents. At least we know it's not intentionally mean.

Credit: Giphy

Umm…good to know.

On my lack of athletic abilities:

Me: “Sorry, Scott. That was a bad throw.”

7-year-old Scott after chasing down the baseball: “That’s OK, mommy. I wasn’t expecting much. My real practice will start when Daddy gets home.”

Ouch. Retreating to my corner now.

Kid insults plague all parents. At least we know it's not intentionally mean.

Credit: Giphy

On my fabulous mom-bod:

Scott (then age 3): “I love hugging your belly. It’s so soft and squishy.”

Honestly, I just laughed. Or maybe cried. Or both.

On my “gourmet” cooking:

Me: “Here, I made Mac and Cheese for dinner. It’s got four different kinds of cheese! And bacon.”

Charlotte: “Did it come from the blue box?”

Me: “No, I made it! Isn’t it so good?”

Charlotte: “Next time, can we just have the Macaroni and Cheese from the blue box?”

Kraft 1. Mommy 0.

Kid insults plague all parents. At least we know it's not intentionally mean.

Credit: Giphy

On my hairstyling ability:

Me: “Charlotte, do you want me to put your hair in a ponytail or a braid?”

Charlotte: “No, just down is fine. Unless Aunt Kristy can do it?”

(Aunt Kristy does have mad hairstyling skills.)

On me not being a morning person:

Scott: “Mommy, did you have your coffee this morning?”

Me: “Yes, and now we’re late and I can’t find my keys. Get in the car!!”

Scott: “Yeah, mommy. Take a breath, and maybe you should have ALL the coffee this morning.”

Kid insults plague all parents. At least we know it's not intentionally mean.

Credit: Giphy

Touché kid.

What are your favorite kid-originated insults? Share in the comments!

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