I picked up my 5-year-old daughter from gymnastics the other week.
As I was waiting for her to put her shoes on, another little girl in her class looked up at me and said: “Are you her grandmother?”
After I recovered, I told her, “No, I am her mommy.” To which she then replied: “Why aren’t you usually here? There’s always someone else picking her up and dropping her off.”
I don’t think this kid was trying to be mean. So I politely explained that I worked downtown, which means the babysitter does pick-up and drop-off.
Inwardly, I was cursing and shaking my head at the realization that I had been child-shamed twice in the span of 45 seconds. Once for looking old (apparently) and once for being an absentee parent.
But the exchange did make me realize: As parents, don’t we get insulted by our children on a weekly basis?
Not in a malicious way, but in that innocent, “Oh my God do you realize what you just asked me kid” way.
Here’s a round-up of a few of my favorite pint-sized insults to date.
5-year-old Charlotte: “How old are you mommy?”
Me: “I’m 43.”
Charlotte: “Oh no! I don’t want you to DIEEEE!”
Umm…good to know.
On my lack of athletic abilities:
Me: “Sorry, Scott. That was a bad throw.”
7-year-old Scott after chasing down the baseball: “That’s OK, mommy. I wasn’t expecting much. My real practice will start when Daddy gets home.”
Ouch. Retreating to my corner now.
On my fabulous mom-bod:
Scott (then age 3): “I love hugging your belly. It’s so soft and squishy.”
Honestly, I just laughed. Or maybe cried. Or both.
On my “gourmet” cooking:
Me: “Here, I made Mac and Cheese for dinner. It’s got four different kinds of cheese! And bacon.”
Charlotte: “Did it come from the blue box?”
Me: “No, I made it! Isn’t it so good?”
Charlotte: “Next time, can we just have the Macaroni and Cheese from the blue box?”
Kraft 1. Mommy 0.
On my hairstyling ability:
Me: “Charlotte, do you want me to put your hair in a ponytail or a braid?”
Charlotte: “No, just down is fine. Unless Aunt Kristy can do it?”
(Aunt Kristy does have mad hairstyling skills.)
On me not being a morning person:
Scott: “Mommy, did you have your coffee this morning?”
Me: “Yes, and now we’re late and I can’t find my keys. Get in the car!!”
Scott: “Yeah, mommy. Take a breath, and maybe you should have ALL the coffee this morning.”
What are your favorite kid-originated insults? Share in the comments!