I do not enjoy pumpkin spice.
Pumpkin soup? Yes.
Pumpkin pie? Definitely.
Call me a purist, but when I think pumpkin, I think that big a** round, fleshy vegetable thing that grows on a vine and can be selected in myriad sizes from patches nearish to Halloween.
Not some overly-processed, tastes like dirt or soap or just…ugh…flavoring that gets thrown into food that it was never supposed to touch in the first place.
I do not fundamentally understand when or why we collectively got so damn riled up about pumpkin-spice flavored everything. But enough is enough.
Pumpkin spice is the “Left Shark” of food products.
- It’s everywhere
- It’s impossible to turn away from
- It was really fun at first
And now, it just makes you scratch your head and go: WTF is happening here…really?
I could deal when it was just lattes at Starbucks.
Easy enough to avoid.
But now the damn “flavor” is inescapable and on a million items that need to be retired….like immediately.
- Pumpkin spice pizza
- Pumpkin spice popcorn
- Pumpkin spice cough drops
- Pumpkin spice Oreos
- Pumpkin spice potato chips
- Pumpkin spice Twinkies
- Pumpkin spice butter
- Pumpkin spice dog treats
All of those things were just fine and good on their own. They didn’t need to be injected with anything, let alone pumpkin spice.
It’s not a food product normally found in nature, people.
Perhaps my ire is driven partly by the fact that I live in Phoenix, and it’s still an average of 113 degrees when “pumpkin spice” ushers in the start of fall.
Give me a break. I am still drinking margaritas by the pool.
But does anyone even really KNOW what pumpkin spice is? I sure as hell didn’t. Thanks to the folks at CNN for researching this for me.
But now I am even more annoyed by it.
“Most pumpkin spice mixtures don’t involve an actual pumpkin. Typically it contains ground cinnamon, nutmeg, dry ginger and clove or allspice mixed together, said Kantha Shelke, a food science communicator for the Institute of Food Technologists and a scientist at Corvus Blue, a Chicago-based food science and research firm.When many food companies use a pumpkin spice flavor, they often develop a synthetic version with various compounds and aromas designed to trick your brain into thinking you actually consumed a mix of cinnamon, nutmeg and other spices.”
Even Martha Stewart says pumpkin spice is for basic b****es only.
Put down the pumpkin spice. Lest we get more products like this…because, apparently, pumpkin spice condoms are now a thing.