Completely insane: If the shamed pregnant news anchor were a man

Completely insane: If the shamed pregnant news anchor were a man

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Completely insane: If the shamed pregnant news anchor were a man

More proof that Mother Nature assigned childbirth to the correct gender.

Recently, a noticeably pregnant Augusta, Ga., news anchor received a voicemail from a female viewer urging the newswoman to dress in a way that “you don’t walk around looking like you got a watermelon strapped under your too-tight outfits.”

Listen to the viewer’s voice mail

The anchor in question, Laura Warren, responded in her blog that she’d continue to wear such clothing and refuse to be intimidated by bullies. Readers rallied around her and goodness won out.

Imagine a man — pregnant

Let’s imagine a world where guys were the bearers of children, ignoring for the moment how massive the Netflix-Oreo industrial complex would be with so many at-home dads.

The aggrieved anchor would rant against his anonymous attacker, waving a sword and issuing an on-air challenge that they “take this outside.”

How men would settle public mom shaming. Credit: Getty Images

The heretofore unknown caller steps forward on Twitter to defend both his manliness and his taste in fashion. Parties agree to “talk it out” at a nearby sports bar, as no link has ever been established between drinking and fetal alcohol syndrome (actually, a ton of research has linked the two, which pregnant men dub “fake science” conducted by “sober nut jobs”).

Nothing is solved

Pregnant? Too much beer? Maybe both. Credit: Getty Images

The beer summit quickly devolves into a shouting match with men on both sides of the issue encouraging someone to throw a punch. A scuffle ensues, tumbling outside where dozens of large-bellied men in skin-tight tank tops, who may or may not be pregnant, merely add to the confusion.

Nothing is solved.

Then again, this pregnant-man scenario assumes a population capable of advanced technology, not just advanced birth-control methods.

Giving birth? Puhleeeeze

I’m not sure many men would have the courage and pain tolerance to give birth. Maybe those guys on “American Ninja.”  Or mixed-martial-arts fighters who first undergo anger management.

And magician David Blaine, because he seems to be up for anything at least once. But that’s about it.

Thanks again, Mother Nature, for not being Father Nature.

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